The Luxury Cruise to the End of the World

crystal serenity

This is how you watch the end of the world — aboard the Crystal Serenity, marinating in luxury.

Sorry, you missed it. But if you had known about it — I don’t know why you didn’t get the memo — and if you had $120,000 lying around ($22,000 for steerage) you could have joined 1,000-plus passengers served by 700 crew on the first luxury cruise from Seward, Alaska to New York City via the Northwest Passage through the Arctic Ocean. Once solid ice, the Northwest Passage became navigable in theory in 2007 because of climate change.

According to the brochure, the good ship Crystal Serenity is “an abomination—a massive, diesel-burning, waste-dumping, ice-destroying, golf-ball-smacking middle finger to what remains of the planet, courtesy of precisely 1,089 of its richest and most destructive inhabitants. And it’s all made possible by runaway climate change, the existential global crisis that these same people and their ilk have disproportionately helped to create.”

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The Last, Best Metaphor: Black Slime Covers All

“Blue slime cover’s girl’s hand.” This headline is true. And this is what slime looks like. “Black slime covers Washington Monuments” is not a true headline. And that’s not what slime looks like. (Photo by Kelly Taylor/Flickr)

“Blue slime cover’s girl’s hand.” This headline is true. And this is what slime looks like. “Black slime covers Washington Monuments” is not a true headline. And that’s not what slime looks like. (Photo by Kelly Taylor/Flickr)

The headline was arresting. Or to be more contemporary about it, it was excellent clickbait. “Black Slime Creeps Over Washington DC’s Most Famous Monuments.” What a fabulous metaphor for everything that’s wrong with Washington, with the Empire, with the Industrial Age (no doubt the source of the slime), hell, with everything! I couldn’t click fast enough. (Anticipation made me forget, momentarily, a hard-won and oft-won lesson: anytime a quote is so perfect for your purposes that you can’t believe it’s real — it isn’t real. No exceptions.)

“A mysterious black slime has been steadily oozing over Washington DC’s most famous monuments,” said the Daily Mail version of the story, one of hundreds to appear worldwide. How perfect! Whether your pet peeve is gridlock, or the campaigns, or inaction, or transgender marriage, this is what happens to the source of the evil! It gets slimed! The stuff writes itself! Continue reading

The Bonfire of the Banalities

You can watch the fires break out and spread only for so long before you, too, are involved.

You can watch the fires break out and spread only for so long before you, too, are involved.

There is, it seems, something of a disconnect between the world in which you and I live, and that inhabited by those who want to be our Great Leader for the next four years.

In our world, this will be the hottest year the earth has ever experienced. It will break the previous record, set last year. Which broke the previous record, set the year before. Arctic sea ice has shrunk to a smaller area than ever recorded, with massive, yet-to-be-calculated effect on the world’s weather and oceans. The glaciers of Greenland and Antarctica are disappearing at rates far exceeding the worst-case scientific scenarios of just a few years ago. All of this because of the air pollution from burning fossil fuels. Continue reading

The Mauling of the Malls

mall gone

Mall gone.The malls of America rose with the big-spending middle class, and are declining as the big spenders disappear. (Photo by Brett Levin/Flickr)

After announcing the closing of 40 stores in January, Macy’s said last week it will shutter 100 more in the face of declining sales and profits at its brick-and-mortar stores. After the company announced the closings, along with a 95% reduction in profits, and chronically declining sales, and the layoffs of 4,000 people that will follow them, Macy’s stock immediately shot up 18%. (If that fact, all by itself, does not motivate you to get everything you own out of the stock market and at least 20 miles away from it immediately, then good luck, God bless, and we’ll hope to see you on the other side.) In May, Aeropostale announced the closing of 154 stores in North America, and slithered into bankruptcy. Meanwhile Sears, J.C. Penney, Radioshack and other stores closed by the hundreds under previously announced plans. Continue reading

Airlines Stricken by Technology Cancer

You have a perfect plan. Then things begin to go south and before you know it, a day of reckoning. (Photo by motorkid.com/google images)

Everything was going great. Then there was a little spark… (Photo by motorkid.com/google images)

It was by all accounts a small problem, a little overheating last Monday in the electronic jungle that is the Technology Command Center for Delta Airlines at its Atlanta headquarters. This minor overheating event — okay, “fire” if you insist — caused a nearby voltage-control module to spasm and allow a surge to hit a transformer, which immediately shut down the power supply. No worries, there’s an app for that. It’s called a switchgear, and its job is to sense a power failure and immediately switch the circuit to a backup power source.

The switchgear didn’t work. Continue reading

The Days After Tomorrow 7: To Put Away Childish Things

Vision Quest

Initiation rites almost always began with a long period of solitude, deprivation, even pain. All the things a parent tries to keep from a child, imposed to teach life’s important lessons. (Photo by SacredLivingInstitute .com)

[This is one of a series of meditations on what we might have learned, and might still learn, from the history of Native Americans about how to live without modern technology and industry, which we may have to do in the near future.]

We modern white Europeans have discarded most of the ways humans have devised to preserve their societies over hundreds of thousands of years. Clans, extended families, true community, ceremonies and rituals promoting awareness of connections among the people, the natural world and the spirit world — all are pretty much gone. Disabling our own society, and destroying the natural world on which it depends, have become the things we do best. If we are to start over, after our ultimate group failure, we must learn again how societies — such as the Native Americans — successfully preserved themselves for thousands of years.

One of the most important — and most universal — of the preservation techniques was the initiation rite. Humans found out early that the span of one lifetime was not enough time to gain wisdom. Elders had to pass on hard-won life lessons to the young, sometimes with stories, sometimes by example, and sometimes with a good hard cuff upside the head. Or, in other words, an initiation rite. Continue reading

Technology is Now a Cancer. Stage Four. Metastasized.

internet of things

This is your brain on technology. Get help. (Image by techinfographics. com)

“New and improved” is now an oxymoron. Every single day my cell phone tells me that 10 or 20 apps have been “updated” and none of them ever work better. Instead, a phone that worked perfectly when I got it now tells me, 10 to 20 times a day, “Unfortunately, Moto has stopped.” The operating rule in technology for years now has been, if it isn’t broke, graft something onto it so we can advertise it as new and improved. Continue reading

Gag the Little Children — Forever

Coming soon to a yard near yours? A fracking well looms over a residence in the Eagle Ford shale region of Texas. (Photo by Earthworks Action/Flickr)

The Hallowich family will never forget what happened when the frackers moved in next door. But under court order, they must never speak of it.  (Photo, of a similar situation in North Dakota, by Earthworks Action/Flickr)

These two things happened in the summer of 2011:

  1. US EPA administrator Lisa Jackson told a Congressional committee, “I’m not aware of any proven case where the fracking process itself has affected water,” echoing industry insistence that not a single water well had been affected by fracking [see “The Mother of All Fracking Lies,” The Daily Impact, 8/17/2011];
  2. A large fracking company, Range Resources Corp., agreed to pay a Pennsylvania family $750,000 to shut them up about how a fracking operation next to their 10-acre farm had polluted their water and air, seriously damaging their health.  

That frackers lie is not the headline. Here’s the headline: in approving the settlement agreement, the court imposed on the family’s two minor children, then 10 and seven years old, a lifetime ban on talking about fracking or the Marcellus Shale region. Continue reading

The Days After Tomorrow 6: They Voted With Their Feet

[This is one of a series of meditations on what we might have learned, and might still learn, from the history of Native Americans about how to live without modern technology and industry, which we may have to do in the near future.]

de Crevecouer

This is a noble Frenchman who fought in the French and Indian War. He thought Indian culture was “far superior to anything to be boasted of among us.”

If you say anything complimentary about historic Native American life, you will be told that you are buying into the myth of the Noble Savage, you are mis-applying modern sensibilities to Stone Age history, and are thus constructing in your mind a Disney movie about a Mad Max era. It’s a hard criticism to answer. How, indeed, can we overweight, sedentary keyboard crunchers come to any valid conclusion about life as hunter-gatherers without iPhones?

Turns out, we have a few witnesses. Here’s one. “The American Indian should serve as a model for how to eradicate poverty and bring natural rights back into civilized life.” Can you hear the sneers? Obviously, this is some bleeding-heart academic New Age liberal with no knowledge of history, right? Wrong. That’s Thomas Paine, a founding father of the United States, writing in 1795 while the Indian Wars raged in the Midwest. Continue reading

Let the (Wile E. Coyote) Games Begin

wile e coyote

You don’t have to worry about gravity or reality or any of that stuff if you just don’t look down….

What will be the trigger that detonates the final implosion of the industrial age? The betting is always changing, and a new and unexpected candidate has just presented itself as a possibility. The traditional destructors — scarce and/or expensive fuel, shortages of food and/or water, rising sea levels, spreading drought, violent weather and the like — are lined up like dominoes and will eventually fall onto each other in a final wave goodbye. But who will go first? With such musings do we beguile the time as we wait. This is how to get Dallas, and New Orleans, and Nice off our minds, we’ll think about Rio de Janeiro and the Olympics.  Continue reading