People keep saying, “Why are you so negative all the time, why don’t you help fix things?” Oh, all right. Here are ten laws (or amendments to laws) that will fix everything. Now leave me alone.
- Any and all legislative proposals that limit what welfare recipients can do, such as go to movies or swimming pools (Kansas) or buy steak or seafood (Missouri), must apply equally to all elected representatives of the jurisdiction.
- Similarly, any and all tests and requirements placed on receiving welfare or voting must also apply to politicians, in order for them to get paid, and must be met by them in publicly administered tests. (Okay, not the generation of the urine sample, but the announcement of the results, please. And the literacy test. On TV.)
- Any and all legislation seeking to ease restrictions on owning and carrying guns must apply equally to the capitols, legislative chambers, and offices of the legislators. Thus in West Virginia, if the governor had not vetoed the bill passed by the legislature removing all restrictions from concealed carry (no more need for a permit) we could have gone to their offices to discuss amendments, with guns.
- Anyone who votes to send this country into war triggers the automatic enlistment of the legislator, the legislator’s spouse and all their adult children in the infantry. No exceptions, no waivers.
- No person, committee, corporation or other entity may contribute any money or thing of value to any political candidate other than a human being who lives in the jurisdiction the candidate seeks to represent. Period.
- The age one must attain to be covered by Medicare is one day.
- The income level at which you no longer need to contribute to social security is infinity.
- No person or entity may enter into a contract to buy any commodity without taking delivery of the commodity. If you want to bet on the future price of oil, go to a real casino. Or buy a tank farm.
- No food item, chemical, drug or process may be introduced to the American market unless it has been proven beyond the shadow of a doubt, before a tribunal of competent authority, to be safe.
- Any conspiracy by members of any branch of government to interfere with the functioning of any other branch, for political reasons or advantage, shall be treated as a breach of the oath of office and prosecuted as a felony.
So there you have it. We already had ten commandments to save our souls. Now we have ten commandments to save our asses. You’re welcome.